Pan Pizza
Pan-Pizza is the host of Rebel Taxi, a critic of popular culture and a pedophile who is best known for his "goth fetish" and achievements in cringe and memery. He makes reviews, Top Tens and Did You Know videos on youtube about cartoons, movies, anime, video games, and whatever else he finds in Tumblr and Zone-Archive. He also has a Let's Play channel. He is the creator of the original webcomic Loki IRL and one of the main hosts of the Pizza Party Podcast. Pan's reviews consist of the following formula: * Pan makes a pun related to the featured show's name * Pan compares each character to others from random media * Pan reads wikipedia * Pan shits on one of the cast members he's jealous of * Pan goes off on the female character he wants to bone (who is often the character on the thumbnail) * Pan randomly whines about one of his personal issues Pan was originally going to be a member of Channel Awesome, but they didn't let him join after he missed an important Skype call. (Talk about dodging a bullet...especially now.) He is currently the only member who is in every episode of the podcast and he's formerly the worst out of all of them (not including Neros and Knoteholeresident). Pan was the main character in the independent film "Pan Pizza: Trouble in Tokyo" along with Ken, Nolan, Jim, and special guests stars Tara Strong and John Dimaggio (who were both bribed into being in it). As of now, Pan has died five times since he began his channel. The first time he was in Episode 4, where was killed by Jihad while escaping Dashcon. Three other deaths were at the hands of Neros Q: twice in his reviews of Pan's opinions of Powerpuff Girls 2016, and lastly in Episode 53 alongside Izzy and Nolan. His fifth and purely figurative death was his petit mort in Cheeralism's arms when he conceived Tuesday or Wednesday. Pan always manages to revive himself through his desire to get laid. This power is known as lustmortality, like immortality he can't die but his power is derived from his perverse nature. According to him, his hat is actually a skinned Umbreon. On January 3, 2017, during 68-SING To ROGUE ONE, he declared war on Mr. Enter (more like Mr. Exit) because Enter is a nitpicker rather than a reviewer and uploaded the same review as Pan. This event caused his fans to begin to expose Mr. Enter as being a rip-off of Pan. This also makes Pan one of the "it gets better later" reviewers. This episode is where Operation: Mr. Exit begins and everyone is watching the amazing war between Pan and Enter. Pan has a daughter with Cheeralism. Her name is Tuesday or Wednesday. A few weeks after having her Pan lost her in a Target store. this has been mentioned in 1+Lets Play NEOPET Games (@RebelTaxi) Ft: Cheeralism and 81-Pizza Party Podcast - BUBSY Joins EMBER'S Ghost Squad where nolan mentioned her. although her disapearence may lead to the idea of her death there may still be hope for her survival. Podcasts he's been in: * The Pizza Party Podcast * Channel Awesome (formerly) * POS Podcast * Drunken Peasants * (Hey Pan, if you're reading this, please come onto The Official Podcast) Fetishes * Goth Girls * Vampires * Fat Girls * Little Girls * Skeletons * Tsunderes * Kuuderes * Yanderes * Scene Girls * Suicide Girls * Robots * Aliens * Demons * Insults * Abuse * Shortstacks * Getting kicked in the balls * Gore * Diapers * Lamb/Sheep * Digital Monsters * Guillermo * Lolis * Inflation * Monster Girls * Being called a Fat Bitch * Incest * Traps/Femboys * Peanut Butter * Cuckold * Beastiality * Teen Titans Go (But only because he doesn't want to burn bridges with his only animation contacts) Origin Story Little is known about Pans Past but there are a few possible'' origins. Feel free to add your own origin and remember to be as strange '''as you want. '''''Possibility 1: Pan was born after a taxi that was delivering a pizza fell into a volcano, then hit by lightning, then meteor and after that some cosmic rays. Before Baby Pan drowned in the lava he was saved by an eagle. After his amazing birth pan was brought to Heaven where he lived 'till he got kicked out for unmentionable reasons so he went to live in Hell where he was kicked out, this repeated until he was banned from every form of afterlife and the only place left was Earth Possibility 2: ''Pan is a failed copy of SCP-963. During the period of time when SCP-963 was being duplicated, one of the failed attempts was tried on a pizza as a joke. The amulet was destroyed by the pizza. The pizza then gained life, this pizza became Pan. This procedure gave Pan two special traits; 1. Pans ability to come back from nearly anything and 2. Pans "personality" also came from the procedure (were talking about Dr. Bright so what do you expect) ''Possibility 3: ''Pan is a Homunculus from Fullmetal Alchemist. He's discouragement, the eighth deadly sin (google it). ''Possibility 4: ''Pan is a parallel universe version of Dib. He was banished to our world when he annoyed an interdimensional demon girl. ''Possibility 5: '' Pan is the aftermath of an exploded penis, the semen which was discharged from it, during the explosion, formed into Pan. this is why he loves goth girls, they are pale as semen, and he is semen, positive self association. ''Possibility 6: '' Pan is an alien from planet cuck where no one has a goth gamer girl gf. So, tired of this prevential life Pan left on a voyage to earth to finally get laid. ''Possibility 7: Pan was the biological child of Steely Dan from part 3 of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, but since he got fucking eviscerated by Jotaro Kujo in 1988 he was instead raised by his father, Rover from Animal Crossing (aka): Pan's Dad. Since Pan's Dad is infertile he had his wife be impregnated with some old sperm sample which belonged to Steely Dan. Possibility 8: ''Pan was a lab assistant who quit his job to become a stand up comedian and support his pregnant wife. Unsuccessful, he agrees to help mobsters with a robbery and dons the name Pizza Joe. The heist goes awry after he falls into a vat of chemical waste trying to escape Neros Q, emerging with bleached white skin, deep sunken eyes, and a permanent thirst for goth. This, combined with the earlier accidental death of his wife and unborn child (the latter revealed to be his lost child Tuesday or Wednesday) drives the comedian insane and he becomes Pan Pizza,driver of the RebelTaxi ''Possibility 9:'' ' Pan is just a weird guy who probably reveres the 90's era of kid shows to the point where he has regressed a bit. Other then being socially awkward to practically everyone, he somehow manages to scrap on by with his figurines and determination alone. I pity those sad fucks that call this man child "friend". He has good taste in music though. 'Possibility 10: '''Like Godzilla; Pan is a natural force that has to bring balance to the worlds unbalances, though it is currently unknown on what he has to bring balance back to.'' ''Possibility 11:'' Pan is a failed clone of Cody from Total Drama Island. ''Possibility 12: Pan is likely to be a cousin or long lost relative of Toad from the Mario.Bros series, and he probably got banned from the Mushroom Kingdom for trying to hit on an underage Mushroom. '''''Possibility 13: Pan is the long lost grandtrap of Rolando Morán leader of the Guatemalan National Revolutionary Unity guerilla group. He's created his YouTube channel to brainwash the youth of America into turning against their government and avenging the CIA and Israel for their sponsorship of crimes against humanity and genocide during the Guatemalan Civil War. Possibility 14: Pan is the long lost twin brother of Danger Dolan. Separated at birth, Pan was cast into space, while Dolan remained on Planet Dolan. Trivia * Pan has once attempted to become a boxer. How do you think Glass Joe got a victory? * Pan is said to be to biological son of Steely Dan from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders, which would explain the fact that Pan got wrecked by a 17 year old Japanese high schooler. * Pan is an alternate universe version of Joshu Higashikata from JoJo's Part 8: JoJolion. * Pan is pen pals with Abridged Kirito. * Pan once challenged Dan Hibiki from Street Fighter to a one-on-one match. Pan was in a wheelchair for a whole week afterwards. * Pan almost got raped by a "Pizza Monster F-word (the other one) Nerd" one time when he order pizza. * Pan was vanquished in battle by Yamcha * SCP-682 let him live becuase he wanted to let the world suffer. * Pan pays people to play video games with him (sadly this one is true). He also kidnapped them (this may not be true). * Pan has been proven to be a bigger pussy than Shinji from Evangelion * Pan has a lower likeability score than Jerry Smith. * Pan was SpeedBlitzed by a bread Magikarp. * Pan was once on the Cartoon Network YouTube channel. It's confirmed to have been mostly comic con videos. * This is a list of people who have a restraining order on Pan; Raven, Jinx, Zone-Tan, the Cystal Gems, God, The Devil, The Loud family (all of them), Gaz, The Mystery Twins, The Oracle Twins, Serena and Bellicus (He got this one with paradox), Arceus, every single Gothitelle, every single Gardevoir, Lenora the cute little dead girl, Ruby Gloom, Missouri, Lydia Deetz, any of pans waifus,"Then Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, And Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Theodore Logan, Doctor Who, Doc Ock, Doctor Spock, Mister Spock, The Rock, Hulk Hogan" Vera (from iZ and the Zizzles) and a box of 56 bobble-heads of Finn the human (long story). * Dr. Bright has once requested Pan as his assistant. It's unknown if Pan was accepted or denied for the role. Pans lustmortality would be a great help to the foundation but his perverted nature action could be detrimental. * A fan emailed Pan and told him he was like Cody from Total Drama because Cody likes a goth chick and gets rejected by her. * Is in a scarem. * Pan has been bullied by Seth Green. * Pan has OD'ed on Red Pill. (Copy Right Pan Pizza™©© 2017.) * Pan's blood is szeschuan sauce. * Pan could possibly be a sub-species of Toad from Super Mario * Pan was one shotted by ant. * Pan's stand is known as "Pale Imitation", by drawing frail looking paper ink creatures, the ability allows for the user to copy another persons ability to 40% of the original power. Before that pan must know what the ability looks like, what it does, what the user looks like, the person who's using it's name and what the ability is called, and the ability is halved every time he fails to meet a requirement. * Pan is the same online and offline. (This is kinda sad) * Pan in "80-Pizza Party Podcast - CRASH Jacks On RATCHET's Daxter" said that at this year's comic con he would do the most cringiest thing possible at about minute 9. Like the quitter, he is he decided not to and rather just ask a creator (they were not impressed). He's a little message for pan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0. * On Aug 23, 2015 Pan's face was allegedly leaked by EQUALSGAMER https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnNExDjE-CE. * Pan has alot of Dave Chappelle DVDs in 82-Pizza Party Podcast - EMOJI Movie WORST Animated Movie of 2017 Ft: JIM! *Pan Is very likely to have a large dick like Mike Matei, which was sort of confirmed by Sheepy but Pan doesn't want to admit it. * Nolan's mumbling at 0:24 of Pizza Party Podcast Ep. 78 started a rumor that Pan's real name is Ricky, but this is unconfirmed and Nolan most likely said something completely different. * Sheepy, confirmed that his dick is less than 8 inches long. * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llRFOV7XbhE "hey pan" * Pan is one of the most wanted person in the universe (rank 123) after he broke code 3.1415 of Multiverse Preservation Act by attempted to convince a Celestialsapian to make alterations to the universe (mainly making all the goth girls want to suck his dick), luckly he was stopped. * Pan also can't get 500 light years near a Celestialsapian for the event seen above. * Harriet the spy steals Pan's stuff. * Pan may have been replaced by a parallel universe version of himself since he remembers King of the hill ending earlier than it did and thinks Spiderman Homecoming is new and also got a girlfriend. He later switched back, why do you think she's his ex. * Pan in first grade said that he wanted to be the black guy from Star Wars. * Pan supposedly admitted to being able to wall jump, he learnt these skills when he was a little pizza in school. *Pan was once a “thick”crust pizza in middle school or maybe early high school as was said in the Nightmare before Christmas game review and he didn’t know the concept of man boobs and he thought that he was turning into a woman. * If a Rebel Taxi movie was ever made it would supposedly feature the podcasts origin showing how everyone became friends and started the podcast with Pan as the main protagonist and Mr Enter as the main antagonist. * Pan dyed his hair Purple but it ended up blonde instead. * Hasn't have had a Slurpy Derpy (and then proceeded to mock the name) * Jesus Christ how fucking long is this wikia * Why the fuck did people put effort in to this * It was the summer and I was bored * Stated he could beat Heffer Wolfe and Filburt though this is probably wrong *Pan and Neros probably fucked once, let's be honest here *Pan is a biological descendant of Hitler, yet Hitler denied this, most likely due to embarrassment. *Pan is a power bottom. 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